Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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