he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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