2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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