I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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