Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize