I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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