yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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