high people should be assigned attendants
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
