Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
