fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
