I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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