Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
