Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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