ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my poor anus
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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