guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
