Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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