Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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