I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
