So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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