I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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