yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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