I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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