Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
