Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pants are for mortals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
