I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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