If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
