We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
