He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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