So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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