I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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