imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mom said you looked used
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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