His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
