we have officially lost it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
