i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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