it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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