I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
