News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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