Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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