the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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