Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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