I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
