it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
