his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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