I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
