Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
