i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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