i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
