im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
