I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
