Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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