Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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