I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
