Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
