Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
