if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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