i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
