I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
