No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
