Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
